I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I accidentally had phone sex last night
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize
