Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
