Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize