drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
