I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
