If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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