and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
