I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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