So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize