and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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