I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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