i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
