Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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