So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
