Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
i've created a new STD.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
