I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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