Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
