Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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