theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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