i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
