If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
