I wanna bring you to show and tell
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Randomize
