I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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