dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
