I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
