i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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