yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
