last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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