who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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