good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
you're hired as official boob wrangler
my liver is dry heaving
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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