Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
