your room smells of hookers.
And success
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
