escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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