just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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