you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
