She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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