found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
