I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
