i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
