how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
