you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
