I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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