ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
