well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
my penis made a compromise with my morals
please don't ironically join a cult
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