Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
