tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
