i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
