this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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