just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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