Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize