3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
