this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
