you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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