She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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