Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
