i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
