Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
