I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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