Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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