So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
