The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
