I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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