So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I party with great urgency now.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
