put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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