when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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