Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
