Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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