..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
