it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
