You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
