That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
