he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
