I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
