she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
