don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
