I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
