Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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