I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
bring money and cleavage
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize