we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
All the doctor said was why
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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