Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
