I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
