so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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