I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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