I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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