I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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