i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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