Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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