i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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