i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize