Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
