I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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