uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
