I'm really into asian looking animals
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
