You smell like stripper and shame
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
