i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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