i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
