like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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