I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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