I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
