Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
